In the childhood of modern parents there were not so many toys, and gifts were given only on special occasions. Long-awaited dolls and cars needed to be earned.
Now gifts are given to children not only for birthday and New Year, but also for some merit or just to avoid whims. In other words, gifts have become a way of manipulation and control. Meanwhile, parents often do not understand that, by indulging in every whim, they “spoil” the child with their own hands, and then they are surprised that he has become disobedient, nervous and reticent.
Also, parents often seek to compensate for their own unfulfilled desires with the help of toys. For example, they buy a child a bicycle or a designer that they themselves dreamed of as a child. And, of course, they don’t want their son or daughter to be worse than others, so children must be given what is now fashionable and is in almost every family. But sometimes interest in things is lost after a few hours and it simply turns into property that the child owns.
Most often, such behavior is found in families where parents earn good money and can afford frequent expenses, as well as in cases where the child is alone in the family and is given the best.
Why is it dangerous to give a child presents?
Imagine that you are in a world where any wish is fulfilled without any effort on your part. How long could you live like this? Surely, your motivation would decrease very soon, you would not know what else to think of. And most importantly - all past achievements would be worthless. After all, what gets easily, does not hurt the soul and heart. In a word, living in such a world is not interesting. Why create something similar for your child?
The abundance of gifts leads to the fact that the child ceases to dream, his imagination diminishes, he is not able to come up with something himself. For example, it is not necessary to buy clothes for a doll, it is much more interesting and more fun to make it out of scrap materials. But the child is used to getting everything ready and therefore is not going to invent anything. Every day he has a new favorite toy. But, despite such indifference to things, he does not seek to share them with peers or relatives. In this case, the very same toy itself can simply be broken or thrown into the far corner.
The child begins to overcome boredom. He does not know how to invent stories and “revive” toys, because there are too many of them, and attention is diverted. Hence, such unpleasant character traits as impatience, aggressiveness, tediousness. And the whole family begins to suffer. To avoid this, you should listen to 3 simple rules.
Rule 1. Do not replace your love and attention with gifts
It is not necessary to go on the road easy at first glance and instead of communicating to buy the child another gift. Of course, it's easier. While the son or daughter is busy with a new toy, you can relax or go about your business. In the same way, some moms and dads compensate for their absence at home in the evenings and weekends. In other words, try to make amends. But this should not become a habit.
Try to spend more time with the children, on weekdays at least 30-40 minutes, but let them be devoted only to your games and fantasies. Show kids how to play with toys, invent stories, read books, make plans for a weekend or a vacation. Learn what happened in the life of a child over the past day. Your attention and interest will be more expensive than any things!
Rule 2. Give presents to children on important occasions.
The child will appreciate more welcome and long-awaited gifts. Therefore, bicycles, expensive designers and other valuable gifts are best given on particularly significant occasions: Birthday, New Year, Christmas. In this case, do not forget about the promotional moment. Warn that such a gift is possible only if the child behaves well.
It is not recommended to completely leave the child without a holiday gift as a punishment. This is bad for the child's psyche.
Of course, it is possible and necessary to give presents on other occasions. For example, if a child has a tooth out or you are walking together in an amusement park. Sometimes a small practical surprise is appropriate when the baby is sick. You can give beautiful hairpins, developing a book or a set for creativity. It is important for the child to feel the significance of the gift and feel your care and love.
Rule 3. Take an interest in the opinion of the child when choosing a gift
Ask not just: “What do you want to get as a gift?” - but more expanded: “Why do you want it, how will you play with it, where will the toy be stored?”. So you let the child consciously approach the choice of a new thing.
Invite the children to make a wish list where they will write things they want for the holidays. If a child is naughty and insists on buying a toy, invite him to exchange a new one for 2-3 old ones. Most likely, the enthusiasm of the child will subside.
Always choose a child a gift for age. Even if a junior high school student very reasonably asks you for a clever smartphone, do not rush into buying.
To spoil children with gifts is quite easy, which can lead to very unpleasant consequences. Therefore, try to prevent a similar problem in raising a child.